between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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