Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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