before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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