Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
