I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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