grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
