i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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