just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
