i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
