A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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