i dont even know how to be here
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
