why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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