yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
