when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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