why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
