Who did Billy Mays play for?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
