hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently you make a good broom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
