summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
