K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
