That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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