Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
