You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
