we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
