My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
