I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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