And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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