The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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