Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
