He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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