Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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