Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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