I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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