Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize