I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
