I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's the barista slut.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
