I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
