your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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