I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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