my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
