It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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