out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
