i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
