her vagine was all disorganized.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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