Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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