he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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