I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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