so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
