it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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