I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize