is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
