I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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