If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
