So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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