omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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