i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
