You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
