I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am spending my child support on dildos
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
