I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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