definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
