Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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