How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
