i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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