like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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