My cat gives me a boner
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
