She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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