You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
