The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is Oprah even human
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
