Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize