my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
