marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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