Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just high enough for therapy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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