i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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