there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The best revenge is premature balding
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
