I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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