I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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