Your dad touched me again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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