we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
