I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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