break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
